Friday, January 29, 2010

Angry at myself

I had a really shitty day yesterday I had about 1100 calories net and I couldn't stop myself from eating!!! I felt soooo gross....and then that evening one of my friends asked me how much i weighed....and suprisingly I answered honestly...and her only response, "THAT much? I though you were waaaaay less that that...well at least you look it..."
On one hand, I'm flattered that I look a lot skinnier than I am. But at the same time, it reminds me how massive I actually am...I've lost about 7.2 kilos in the past 6 months and I was proud of that, but I'm still waaay too large....I want to double my amount lost...It'll bring me to about 57.8 kilos or 127 pounds.
I think I would be happy with that. At the moment I'm about 65 kilos or 143 pounds....I'll have access to a scale in about a week and a half, so we'll see then....I better not have gained ANY weight.
Today was a good day though, only about 600 net calories and it's 8 pm and I've already had dinner....I just need to fight off the binge monster that normally appears in about an hour or so...I'm not fucking things up for myself anymore...I worked out hard today and I ate well...I will not give into the chocolate mousse in the fridge...I think my control is finally starting to come back, thank god.
I especially need to be good today because tomorrow is girls-night-out...and that means alcohol....lots of empty least it's not carbs or something...At least this way I won't feel too gross about it...I've been waaay too good about that the last couple weeks and I need to just let loose for a night...

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