Friday, January 22, 2010

Some good, some bad

Good news from an ana perspective, I have a stomach bug....which means that in the past two days combined i've comsumed maybe 500 calories combined that haven't been thrown back up...I actually feel thin and it's amazing!!!!
Bad the past day and a half i've been called out no less than five times by my friends for my habits.
Instance 1: Wing meeting and the mentor announces there is going to be an eating disorder seminar for people with eds and people who know people with one friend and my roomie look at me and start asking me very awkward questions about eds and what they was like being interrogated.
Instance 2: I am now going to the gym with my roomie three times a week for no less than an hour each time. My one good friend also from instance one, looked at me and asked, "Why are you so obsessed with working out all of a sudden? You know you don't need to lose weight or anything, right?" (like i believe that, but whatever....)
Instance 3: Same friend brought me food (white bread is all i'm allowed to eat) after I was up the whole night puking....I said that was a very sweet thought but I don't know if i'd be able to keep it down because everything i consume comes right back up and he made a reference to bulimia.
Instance 4: My friend, G, we'll call her came by while I was sick, and she said that one of my housemates said she lost weight and she didn't really think she'd lost that much (only about a kilo or two) and then she said she hadn't lost NEARLY as much as me and then asked why i don't really eat anything anymore...
Instance 5: At dinner before my stomach virus started....I was eating A LOT....Like 2 whole bagels (ick....but I didn't put anything on them at least) and i made an offhand comment about how i was grossly overeating at the moment and the entire table kinda blankly stared at me until my roomie said, "I'm glad yo're finally eating SOMETHING again...besides we just did a long workout, you need the energy..."
I feel like an intervention is coming up and as much as I know I'm letting ana control me, I don't want to let go of it just yet....

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