Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
I found this article today. I find it rather amusing and honest.
A Modest Weight-Loss Proposal
As a practicing physician it never ceases to amaze me when an overweight patient doesn’t follow my advice. After a Yale University liberal-arts education, a degree in psychology, four years of medical school, an Internal Medicine residency, four years of emergency room work and more…where did I go wrong?
Usually people respond positively to my gravitas and depth of knowledge. The recommendations I give can make an enormous difference…after all, we are talking about life-shortening, debilitating chronic illnesses, the ones precipitated and worsened by overweight.
Why don’t most overweight or obese Americans slavishly follow the warnings of the medical community? It’s certainly not from lack of publicity: every newspaper and television show seems to have an article or segment devoted to health issues. Yet only 5-10% of dieters keep the pounds off permanently and never revert to their former bad habits. What’s wrong with the other 90%? Aren’t they afraid of death?
Somewhat sheepishly I have often posed to colleagues the hypothesis that there is only one diet that would really work wonders. I call it The April 15th Diet. Don’t bother to look for the recipe book, spin-off products, or in fact any nutritional information. On The April 15th Diet you can eat unlimited portions of anything that you want for almost 365 days. Sounds terrific, no?
Then on April 15th of every year you will report to the local post office. After your retina scan and DNA sample pass inspection, you will hand the clerk a notarized copy of your previous year’s income tax returns. You will then step onto a special scale that will measure height and weight, immediately calculating your Body Mass Index. A bar-code sticker will be printed and affixed to your tax return. Then you are done for the day.
Several months later you will receive an envelope from the Internal Revenue Service. They will have audited your tax return and calculated your refund.This amount, however, will be adjusted downwards for every unit of Body Mass Index higher than ideal. Only people who demonstrate sufficient personal responsibility, self-control, and successful results will qualify for a full refund. Incomplete efforts, “trying” or total neglect will lead to incrementally increasing deduction from the funds. Parents are also penalized for the behavior and overweight of their children.
The money saved by instituting this program would be incalculable. Since overweight and obese American will eventually divert money from the healthcare system to pay for their insulin injections, cardiac surgery, dialysis treatments and seeing-eye dogs, it is economically wiser to extract some sort of pre-payment beforehand. Illnesses that affect all people equally (cancer,
influenza, broken bones) should be “paid for” by all citizens since they are all more or less at identical risk. However, the concerned citizen of the future might ask his obese neighbor: “You pay for your own ice cream. Why should I share the cost of your medication, hospitalization and nursing care?”
Americans share only two things in common: death and taxes. The fear of premature death is not sufficient to motivate people to lose weight. The possible loss of disposable income, on the other hand, would certainly change hearts, minds and bellies very quickly. Memberships in health clubs would sky-rocket, especially in March. Nutritionists, rather than accountants, would have to work around the clock in early April. Cobwebs and tumbleweeds would surround fast-food stores, and long lines would form at salad bars at the crack of dawn.
Get angry, stamp your feet, write a Letter to the Editor! I know that The April 15th Diet is the worst diet that you ever heard of…but boy would it work!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
But I bit my tongue.....literally. It bled.
This is also the chief friend championing how I need to go to therapy. She says because I have major family, commitment issues to work out. And sleep issues. But I'm terrified of therapy and she's gotten kinda mean about how I need to go. She literally told me that it's my own fault that I'm fucked up because I don't want to get therapy.
I really resent it. I want to just explode at her because she's been in therapy for years and she's still a freaking disgusting mess. She has even worse abandonment and commitment issues than me. And she thinks I should still go to therapy even though it obviously didn't help her.
And I don't wanna have an explosive fight with here because she's my roommate for all of next year. And I really don't want to exist in a toxic roommate environment again.
I also had a full on crying breakdown yesterday. Over Skype with my mother. It wasn't pretty. And my roommate witnessed it. Speaking of her, I also have fantasies where she gets violently ill now. She's always bringing her super annoying LOUD friends to our room where they normally get drunk, high (outside the room, because I'm not losing my housing license because of her) and stay until 3 in the morning. I have work to do. I actually do shit. And they get drunk and watch movies all the time and complain about how hard their program is. So I want her to get violently ill, so she'll feel miserable and none of her friends will come around because they won't want to catch it.
I'm an evil person I know, but right now people in general piss me off and I want to tell them to just go fuck themselves and get over there own stupid selfish problems and their fucking sense of self-entitlement and knowledge because they are FUCKING fucked up as well and have no FUCKING right to judge me.