sorry I've been MIA for like the past 4 months but I was kinda trying to be better/healthy...but I'm weak...I start to get stressed or fail at something and I return to my old EDNOS ways to try and get order...
Anywho I kinda cracked today when I pretty much fucked up one of my classes for the semester....and it's only been one week...
I didn't eat anything the rest of the day after that....so I basically did a 18 hour fast....and I walked about 3 miles to try and clear my head...i feel empty and almost numb....and I don't really mind
I almost miss the numbness that I used to feel when I was at my worst...
On a side-note I found out that my current goal weight is actually healthy....At the moment I am 151.2 pounds and my BMI is 22.5. At my goal weight of 130 I will be 19.3. I hope to reach this goal by Christmas. I'd be happy if I get down to 135 by then though. Ideally I would like to weigh 120-5 giving me a BMI of 17.8-18.6 which is right on the upper edge of unhealthy...I would like to weigh 115 but I tend to look thinner than I weigh, people already tend to guess my weight as about 140....10-5 pounds less than my weight....so if I get down to about 125 I will probably look like I weigh in the teens.....I don't want to get too bony...I look bony from certain angles as is....I just want to be less blobby...
