Obsession is what the lazy call dedication

I thought i might share some of the thinspiration that helps me not eat that extra bite or two and makes me do those extra leg lifts. Enjoy. :)

New progress

I've been doing well over the last three days and have planned out eating and exercise for the next week that will conistently keep me at around 800 net calories a day. I was terrible before I got my act together with mini-binges happening lamost every day. Now after only three days of eating less than 1000 calories and working out, my stomach has deflated. It's almost flat when i turn to the side. And I'm not even sucking in. I may feel a little shaky when i wake up in the morning (probably because i haven't eaten anything since 5pm the day before) but other than that I'm over the moon. I've found something that works. That I can stick to. And god damn it, I'm going to be skinny. I've set a new goal weight for myself. I want to be between 120-125 to be happy with myself. That would give me a BMI of about 17.7-18.3. Just small enough to be considered thin, but not low enough for anyone to be too concerned.

Thoughts

I've had a really low couple of days. Part of it probably stems from the the fact I was on a binge from yesterday afternoon until about 2 pm today. I haven't eaten a bite since then, nor do i plan to....I plan to eat less than 800 calories tomorrow to compensate.
I've been browsing a lot of sites, blogs and YouTube vids lately about EDs and I've realized that people blame the media way to much. It's not their fault. The media is everywhere and if the media is what causes this, why isn't EVERYONE like me?
No, we blame the media, because that way they can pretend it's not their fault. It's not them who fuck up their own children, relatives, friends, even the random people we pass on the street.
I also find it ironic that being overweight is equally as unhealthy as being underweight, even more so, as some studies have indicated. And yet, where are the countless stories telling them that they are SICK that they NEED HELP. There aren't. There are countless stories about diets and exercises trends, but nothing on why society is fat....or how to fix it for that matter. I truly feel that part of the reason that society goes after EDs with such zeal is that they threaten the average. The average of fatness. We stick out too much to be ignored or overlooked. And because of that we need to be silenced. Condemned.
If it's the infernal media's fault, than the reason that girl developed anorexia CAN'T be because her parents made her feel worthless. The reason people develop binge eating disorders CAN'T be because of the disdain of their family and friends. And yes, even you random strangers are responsible. Don't think that we don't see the way you look at us! I'm guilty too. I know that I look at fat people with disdain, even disgust. And I get those looks all the time too. From skinny people, fat people, average people. I can feel that I'm being judged. And then I want to disappear....and when I don't eat....I feel like i could fade away....just maybe...and then I won't have to go another day pretending I don't notice that I'm a massive disappointment.
The media. The Fashion Industry. Designers. Pro-Ana/Mia websites and literature. They are all just convienient scapegoats so that we can keep pretending that the real villains in the propagation of eating disorders, of negative body image in general, is ourselves.

What I ate today...

I've decided that I'm going to try and post what I eat on here.

Breakfast:
-one whole grain bagel (270 calories)
probably not the best choice, but I didn't eat dinner and was ravenous!!!
-2tbsp of strawberry cream cheese (90 calories)

Lunch:
-one cup of Three Bean Chili (vegetarian) (190 calories)
-Whole wheat roll (100 calories)

Minor Binge:
-Two snack packs of milanos (MY WEAKNESS!!!!) (240 calories)

Dinner:
-Channa Masala (about 400? the package said about 460 but I only finished the garbonzo beans and left about half the rice....)
Total: ~1,290

A note about dinner.....I wanted to stop after eating about 5 bites....it wasn't that I wasn't hungry anymore or that I was full, it was that I didn't want to NEED it...but I can't crash down to nothing out of the blue otherwise I will collapse...and I really don't want the changes to be obvious...so I forced myself to eat at least all of the garbonzo beans (yay! protien!!! which I never eat enough of) and some of the rice....

I know it's a lot....

but if i factor out calories lost by exercise I come to around 900-1,000 calories.
OH random note!!!! New goal for me: Net calories around 1,000.....never above 1,200....but not below 800....I don't want to be so undernourished that I actually make more fat accumulate than not...so 800-1,200 net calories a day!!!

I walk everywhere!!!! I live in New York now...and today I walked about 2.5 miles (which supposedly was about 150 calories!!!!)
And I do this really intense HIIT trainig program!!! It makes me sweat and burn like nothing else.
What I did today:
PART 1
4min. of interval training
SANDBAG SQUAT (RIGHT SHOULDER)
max. reps during 20 second interval
PLANK JUMP PUSH UP
max. reps during 20 second interval
SANDBAG SQUAT (LEFT SHOULDER)
max. reps during 20 second interval
PLANK JUMP PUSH UP
max. reps during 20 second interval
PART 2
Time Challenge
10 PENDULUMS
followed by
ROLL OVER
followed by
1 WALKING PUSH UP
followed by
ELBOW PLANK JUMPS (SIDE TO SIDE)
Reverse the order of exercises
THIS IS ONE SET
Complete 5 sets for time
PART 3
4 min. of interval traininig
SANDBAG MINI SQUAT (RIGHT SHOULDER)
max. reps during 20 second interval
SUPER GIRL PUSH UPS
max. reps during 20 second interval
SANDBAG MINI SQUAT (LEFT SHOULDER)
max. reps during 20 second interval
SUPER GIRL PUSH UPS
max. reps during 20 second interval
THIS IS ONLY A HALF OF THE WORKOUT
Repeat all 3 parts one more time!!

In between the 20 second work periods you only get 10 seconds of rest to transition...it's death...but in the best way possible...
not sure how many calories it burns but judging by the way I sweat and feel like I'm going to collapse and/or puke, i feel like it's a good workout...

I'm also gonna take two laxatives before bed tonite....

good luck girlies!!!