Saturday, February 12, 2011


I've had a really low couple of days. Part of it probably stems from the the fact I was on a binge from yesterday afternoon until about 2 pm today. I haven't eaten a bite since then, nor do i plan to....I plan to eat less than 800 calories tomorrow to compensate.
I've been browsing a lot of sites, blogs and YouTube vids lately about EDs and I've realized that people blame the media way to much. It's not their fault. The media is everywhere and if the media is what causes this, why isn't EVERYONE like me?
No, we blame the media, because that way they can pretend it's not their fault. It's not them who fuck up their own children, relatives, friends, even the random people we pass on the street.
I also find it ironic that being overweight is equally as unhealthy as being underweight, even more so, as some studies have indicated. And yet, where are the countless stories telling them that they are SICK that they NEED HELP. There aren't. There are countless stories about diets and exercises trends, but nothing on why society is fat....or how to fix it for that matter. I truly feel that part of the reason that society goes after EDs with such zeal is that they threaten the average. The average of fatness. We stick out too much to be ignored or overlooked. And because of that we need to be silenced. Condemned.
If it's the infernal media's fault, than the reason that girl developed anorexia CAN'T be because her parents made her feel worthless. The reason people develop binge eating disorders CAN'T be because of the disdain of their family and friends. And yes, even you random strangers are responsible. Don't think that we don't see the way you look at us! I'm guilty too. I know that I look at fat people with disdain, even disgust. And I get those looks all the time too. From skinny people, fat people, average people. I can feel that I'm being judged. And then I want to disappear....and when I don't eat....I feel like i could fade away....just maybe...and then I won't have to go another day pretending I don't notice that I'm a massive disappointment.
The media. The Fashion Industry. Designers. Pro-Ana/Mia websites and literature. They are all just convienient scapegoats so that we can keep pretending that the real villains in the propagation of eating disorders, of negative body image in general, is ourselves.

1 comment:

  1. Hello girls I have returned to blogger after trying to lose weight the healthy way and developing a better mental health I gave up I threw it all away to become "Delicate!!" Threw all my hard work away so I could eat from one extreme to another, to get to my goals quicker!! As many of us do we give up and think it will be easier and quicker to try a stupid diet which you only end up binging and back to square one!!

    I am ashamed of my choices and want to continue down my path of being healthy!! I can not believe I nearly threw it all away!! I have decided to give it my all 100% and nothing less!! I will reach my GOALS but in a HEALTHY way!!

    I too want to look great in a Bikini, in that Little Party Dress, in those CK Jeans but I want to ROCK them without feeling GUILTY, without LYING to all those around me and to not be KILLING MYSELF in the process!! I want to look HOT in ULTIMATE HEALTH and HAPPINESS, I want to have AWESOME SELF ESTEEM and I want to ROCK CONFIDENCE!! I want to earn the JOY of achieving HEALTH - HAPPINESS - SELF ESTEEM and CONFIDENCE the right way not the wrong way!! I want this more than anything in LIFE and I am going to get it !! It is now or never, there is no looking back!! Please support me and I will return the favor!! I choose to follow girls with distorted eating as I feel they understand what I am going through compared to "normal eating" girls they just think I am crazy!!

    I am putting this every where because I know I will influence at least one person out in this great big world to never give up and to keep trying!!