Disclaimer: I realize this is ridiculously hypocritical because of my own issues with food. I do not hate fat people. My own father is quite large. And by that I mean his body fat percentage is probably somewhere around 45%. I'm just fed up with all of the ways we excuse obesity and make it socially acceptable.
I'm sorry, but people should not complain about being overweight. It is NOT a disease. ONLY a VERY SMALL portion of the population ACTUALLY have a thyroid problem, and yet I cannot tell you how many times I have heard a fat person say that they just have a thyroid condition and that's why they can't lose weight. They normally then proceed to eat something roughly in the 700-1,200 calorie range.
People need a reality check: chances are they are not fat because of something beyond their control (even thyroid conditions can be supplemented for with certain treatments). We just like to claim this because it makes us feel better. It's not our fault. It's something we can't control.
In a way it is. The human body is not designed to survive times of plenty. We are evolutionarily conditioned to want to eat as much as possible because in ancient times, these BRIEF periods of feast would often have to sustain us for longer periods of famine or minimal nutrition. In building up our fat stores we were able to survive these times of hardship.
However nowadays, we scarcely have to go a few hours much less weeks on end without a proper meal. Society has made food readily available and full of chemicals and substance our bodies not only do no need, but cannot recognize. They then get stored as fat.
As a society we need to learn how to institute control. We see food and feel compelled to eat it and eat all of it as quickly as possible. Hunger is secondary to food. The worst part of this phenomenon is that we are passing on these traits to the next generation.
I was watching a video today and YouTube and a related video came up of a 4 year old who weighed 114 pounds. Her mother was on a show talking about how hard it i and how she doesn't know what to do. Cut to child eating not one, not two, not three, not FOUR, but five cheeseburgers in one sitting. I think we found our problem.
I got sucked in and watched about 6 or 7 similar videos in a rwo and then I realized: all the parents were fat. And not just chubby, I'm talking HUGE. And they wonder where their child is getting this.
We need to wke the fuck up and realize what we are doing to ourselves. Fat is an epidemic, but it is NOT a disease. People need to stop claiming that it's beyond their control, or resorting to things like Lap-bands, gastric bypass, diet pills, etc. instead of adressing the real reason they're not losing wieght: you have to shange your lifestyle to do so and be sucessful. You can't put on one, two, three hundred pounds, and expect a quick fix is going to make you slim again. you need to change your habits: what you eat, what you do, where you go, how you see food. I just find the entire situation a bit ridiculous, It's like putting a bandaid on a hemopheliac's paper-cut....it'll work for a couple minutes, but then you'll be back where you started, sometimes even worse.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Obsession is what the lazy call dedication
I thought i might share some of the thinspiration that helps me not eat that extra bite or two and makes me do those extra leg lifts. Enjoy. :)
New progress
I've been doing well over the last three days and have planned out eating and exercise for the next week that will conistently keep me at around 800 net calories a day. I was terrible before I got my act together with mini-binges happening lamost every day. Now after only three days of eating less than 1000 calories and working out, my stomach has deflated. It's almost flat when i turn to the side. And I'm not even sucking in. I may feel a little shaky when i wake up in the morning (probably because i haven't eaten anything since 5pm the day before) but other than that I'm over the moon. I've found something that works. That I can stick to. And god damn it, I'm going to be skinny. I've set a new goal weight for myself. I want to be between 120-125 to be happy with myself. That would give me a BMI of about 17.7-18.3. Just small enough to be considered thin, but not low enough for anyone to be too concerned.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Thoughts
I've had a really low couple of days. Part of it probably stems from the the fact I was on a binge from yesterday afternoon until about 2 pm today. I haven't eaten a bite since then, nor do i plan to....I plan to eat less than 800 calories tomorrow to compensate.
I've been browsing a lot of sites, blogs and YouTube vids lately about EDs and I've realized that people blame the media way to much. It's not their fault. The media is everywhere and if the media is what causes this, why isn't EVERYONE like me?
No, we blame the media, because that way they can pretend it's not their fault. It's not them who fuck up their own children, relatives, friends, even the random people we pass on the street.
I also find it ironic that being overweight is equally as unhealthy as being underweight, even more so, as some studies have indicated. And yet, where are the countless stories telling them that they are SICK that they NEED HELP. There aren't. There are countless stories about diets and exercises trends, but nothing on why society is fat....or how to fix it for that matter. I truly feel that part of the reason that society goes after EDs with such zeal is that they threaten the average. The average of fatness. We stick out too much to be ignored or overlooked. And because of that we need to be silenced. Condemned.
If it's the infernal media's fault, than the reason that girl developed anorexia CAN'T be because her parents made her feel worthless. The reason people develop binge eating disorders CAN'T be because of the disdain of their family and friends. And yes, even you random strangers are responsible. Don't think that we don't see the way you look at us! I'm guilty too. I know that I look at fat people with disdain, even disgust. And I get those looks all the time too. From skinny people, fat people, average people. I can feel that I'm being judged. And then I want to disappear....and when I don't eat....I feel like i could fade away....just maybe...and then I won't have to go another day pretending I don't notice that I'm a massive disappointment.
The media. The Fashion Industry. Designers. Pro-Ana/Mia websites and literature. They are all just convienient scapegoats so that we can keep pretending that the real villains in the propagation of eating disorders, of negative body image in general, is ourselves.
I've been browsing a lot of sites, blogs and YouTube vids lately about EDs and I've realized that people blame the media way to much. It's not their fault. The media is everywhere and if the media is what causes this, why isn't EVERYONE like me?
No, we blame the media, because that way they can pretend it's not their fault. It's not them who fuck up their own children, relatives, friends, even the random people we pass on the street.
I also find it ironic that being overweight is equally as unhealthy as being underweight, even more so, as some studies have indicated. And yet, where are the countless stories telling them that they are SICK that they NEED HELP. There aren't. There are countless stories about diets and exercises trends, but nothing on why society is fat....or how to fix it for that matter. I truly feel that part of the reason that society goes after EDs with such zeal is that they threaten the average. The average of fatness. We stick out too much to be ignored or overlooked. And because of that we need to be silenced. Condemned.
If it's the infernal media's fault, than the reason that girl developed anorexia CAN'T be because her parents made her feel worthless. The reason people develop binge eating disorders CAN'T be because of the disdain of their family and friends. And yes, even you random strangers are responsible. Don't think that we don't see the way you look at us! I'm guilty too. I know that I look at fat people with disdain, even disgust. And I get those looks all the time too. From skinny people, fat people, average people. I can feel that I'm being judged. And then I want to disappear....and when I don't eat....I feel like i could fade away....just maybe...and then I won't have to go another day pretending I don't notice that I'm a massive disappointment.
The media. The Fashion Industry. Designers. Pro-Ana/Mia websites and literature. They are all just convienient scapegoats so that we can keep pretending that the real villains in the propagation of eating disorders, of negative body image in general, is ourselves.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
What I ate today...
I've decided that I'm going to try and post what I eat on here.
Breakfast:
-one whole grain bagel (270 calories)
probably not the best choice, but I didn't eat dinner and was ravenous!!!
-2tbsp of strawberry cream cheese (90 calories)
Lunch:
-one cup of Three Bean Chili (vegetarian) (190 calories)
-Whole wheat roll (100 calories)
Minor Binge:
-Two snack packs of milanos (MY WEAKNESS!!!!) (240 calories)
Dinner:
-Channa Masala (about 400? the package said about 460 but I only finished the garbonzo beans and left about half the rice....)
Total: ~1,290
A note about dinner.....I wanted to stop after eating about 5 bites....it wasn't that I wasn't hungry anymore or that I was full, it was that I didn't want to NEED it...but I can't crash down to nothing out of the blue otherwise I will collapse...and I really don't want the changes to be obvious...so I forced myself to eat at least all of the garbonzo beans (yay! protien!!! which I never eat enough of) and some of the rice....
I know it's a lot....
but if i factor out calories lost by exercise I come to around 900-1,000 calories.
OH random note!!!! New goal for me: Net calories around 1,000.....never above 1,200....but not below 800....I don't want to be so undernourished that I actually make more fat accumulate than not...so 800-1,200 net calories a day!!!
I walk everywhere!!!! I live in New York now...and today I walked about 2.5 miles (which supposedly was about 150 calories!!!!)
And I do this really intense HIIT trainig program!!! It makes me sweat and burn like nothing else.
What I did today:
PART 1
4min. of interval training
SANDBAG SQUAT (RIGHT SHOULDER)
max. reps during 20 second interval
PLANK JUMP PUSH UP
max. reps during 20 second interval
SANDBAG SQUAT (LEFT SHOULDER)
max. reps during 20 second interval
PLANK JUMP PUSH UP
max. reps during 20 second interval
PART 2
Time Challenge
10 PENDULUMS
followed by
ROLL OVER
followed by
1 WALKING PUSH UP
followed by
ELBOW PLANK JUMPS (SIDE TO SIDE)
Reverse the order of exercises
THIS IS ONE SET
Complete 5 sets for time
PART 3
4 min. of interval traininig
SANDBAG MINI SQUAT (RIGHT SHOULDER)
max. reps during 20 second interval
SUPER GIRL PUSH UPS
max. reps during 20 second interval
SANDBAG MINI SQUAT (LEFT SHOULDER)
max. reps during 20 second interval
SUPER GIRL PUSH UPS
max. reps during 20 second interval
THIS IS ONLY A HALF OF THE WORKOUT
Repeat all 3 parts one more time!!
In between the 20 second work periods you only get 10 seconds of rest to transition...it's death...but in the best way possible...
not sure how many calories it burns but judging by the way I sweat and feel like I'm going to collapse and/or puke, i feel like it's a good workout...
I'm also gonna take two laxatives before bed tonite....
good luck girlies!!!
Breakfast:
-one whole grain bagel (270 calories)
probably not the best choice, but I didn't eat dinner and was ravenous!!!
-2tbsp of strawberry cream cheese (90 calories)
Lunch:
-one cup of Three Bean Chili (vegetarian) (190 calories)
-Whole wheat roll (100 calories)
Minor Binge:
-Two snack packs of milanos (MY WEAKNESS!!!!) (240 calories)
Dinner:
-Channa Masala (about 400? the package said about 460 but I only finished the garbonzo beans and left about half the rice....)
Total: ~1,290
A note about dinner.....I wanted to stop after eating about 5 bites....it wasn't that I wasn't hungry anymore or that I was full, it was that I didn't want to NEED it...but I can't crash down to nothing out of the blue otherwise I will collapse...and I really don't want the changes to be obvious...so I forced myself to eat at least all of the garbonzo beans (yay! protien!!! which I never eat enough of) and some of the rice....
I know it's a lot....
but if i factor out calories lost by exercise I come to around 900-1,000 calories.
OH random note!!!! New goal for me: Net calories around 1,000.....never above 1,200....but not below 800....I don't want to be so undernourished that I actually make more fat accumulate than not...so 800-1,200 net calories a day!!!
I walk everywhere!!!! I live in New York now...and today I walked about 2.5 miles (which supposedly was about 150 calories!!!!)
And I do this really intense HIIT trainig program!!! It makes me sweat and burn like nothing else.
What I did today:
PART 1
4min. of interval training
SANDBAG SQUAT (RIGHT SHOULDER)
max. reps during 20 second interval
PLANK JUMP PUSH UP
max. reps during 20 second interval
SANDBAG SQUAT (LEFT SHOULDER)
max. reps during 20 second interval
PLANK JUMP PUSH UP
max. reps during 20 second interval
PART 2
Time Challenge
10 PENDULUMS
followed by
ROLL OVER
followed by
1 WALKING PUSH UP
followed by
ELBOW PLANK JUMPS (SIDE TO SIDE)
Reverse the order of exercises
THIS IS ONE SET
Complete 5 sets for time
PART 3
4 min. of interval traininig
SANDBAG MINI SQUAT (RIGHT SHOULDER)
max. reps during 20 second interval
SUPER GIRL PUSH UPS
max. reps during 20 second interval
SANDBAG MINI SQUAT (LEFT SHOULDER)
max. reps during 20 second interval
SUPER GIRL PUSH UPS
max. reps during 20 second interval
THIS IS ONLY A HALF OF THE WORKOUT
Repeat all 3 parts one more time!!
In between the 20 second work periods you only get 10 seconds of rest to transition...it's death...but in the best way possible...
not sure how many calories it burns but judging by the way I sweat and feel like I'm going to collapse and/or puke, i feel like it's a good workout...
I'm also gonna take two laxatives before bed tonite....
good luck girlies!!!
Friday, January 28, 2011
I'm worried...
On a good note, all of my clothes are loose. Which means that I’ve probably lost weight. I can’t really check that though because I’m at school and have to access to a scale.
On a different note, my depression is getting worse. I’ve cried myself to sleep for the last three nights in a row. And my insomnia has done a 180 and turned into constant fatigue. It’s never been this bad before. I know that this is not healthy, and that I need to do something about it, but I’m too terrified.
What if I get the help i need for my mental health, but that doesn’t fix anything? What if they try and force me to get treatment for my ED? What if they tell my family? I need to get some things off of my chest to a real live person that I won’t have to face the next day and see their disdain. Otherwise I feel like I might self-destruct at any moment.
On a different note, my depression is getting worse. I’ve cried myself to sleep for the last three nights in a row. And my insomnia has done a 180 and turned into constant fatigue. It’s never been this bad before. I know that this is not healthy, and that I need to do something about it, but I’m too terrified.
What if I get the help i need for my mental health, but that doesn’t fix anything? What if they try and force me to get treatment for my ED? What if they tell my family? I need to get some things off of my chest to a real live person that I won’t have to face the next day and see their disdain. Otherwise I feel like I might self-destruct at any moment.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Panic attack
Holy. CRAP.
I am a FUCKING WHALE!!!!!!! Does anyone else remember that time that seems ages ago when my body fat percentage was 19? I decided to recalculate it today to porve to myself that being healthy wouldn't have changed it that much.....
Its now 31.31%.....yeah, you read that right, a whole thirty one point fucking three one precent. That is medically quatifiable as obese. In order to have a body fat percentage that I'd be okay with, about 18%....low eneough that I don't feel gross but high enough that people will stop asking questions requires me to lose 31 pounds....well 30.9 but hey, I always round up....
I don't normally set new years resolutions because I find the tradition a bit, well, cliche, but I am now. My New Years Resolution: I'm going to weigh a MAXIMUM of 121.5 by the time this year is out so help me god....preferably before summer, but hey fatties can't be too chosy, now can we?
At this weight my BMi will be 17.9 and I'll be in the 14th percentile for my height. When I look at it that way, I'll actually be quantifiable as thin when I reach that goal....the countown starts today!!!! BYE BYE EVIL FAT (supposedly HEALTHY) me!!!!! Guess it just goes to show you that you are never REALLY healthy when you try and ignore the little voice telling you to restrict, to purge, to go run a couple mimles you fat ass.....
I don't guve a fuck any more....I need this....I almost had a legit panic attack when I saw those numbers a few minutes ago....like couldn't breathe....at all....and I can't live like this.....I hate this....It's all gonna have to go....one fat cell at a time....
I am a FUCKING WHALE!!!!!!! Does anyone else remember that time that seems ages ago when my body fat percentage was 19? I decided to recalculate it today to porve to myself that being healthy wouldn't have changed it that much.....
Its now 31.31%.....yeah, you read that right, a whole thirty one point fucking three one precent. That is medically quatifiable as obese. In order to have a body fat percentage that I'd be okay with, about 18%....low eneough that I don't feel gross but high enough that people will stop asking questions requires me to lose 31 pounds....well 30.9 but hey, I always round up....
I don't normally set new years resolutions because I find the tradition a bit, well, cliche, but I am now. My New Years Resolution: I'm going to weigh a MAXIMUM of 121.5 by the time this year is out so help me god....preferably before summer, but hey fatties can't be too chosy, now can we?
At this weight my BMi will be 17.9 and I'll be in the 14th percentile for my height. When I look at it that way, I'll actually be quantifiable as thin when I reach that goal....the countown starts today!!!! BYE BYE EVIL FAT (supposedly HEALTHY) me!!!!! Guess it just goes to show you that you are never REALLY healthy when you try and ignore the little voice telling you to restrict, to purge, to go run a couple mimles you fat ass.....
I don't guve a fuck any more....I need this....I almost had a legit panic attack when I saw those numbers a few minutes ago....like couldn't breathe....at all....and I can't live like this.....I hate this....It's all gonna have to go....one fat cell at a time....
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